- 25 comments

MISCONCEPTIONS- 'The wife beater' versus 'the voiceless'



Treasure had roamed the streets of Lagos for over 3 months.
She told anyone who cared to listen about her life and how horribly it had ended. This faithful afternoon, she was hungry but had nothing to eat. She walked up to a woman selling roasted plantain and groundnut by the road side.

"madam good afternoon" she greeted

"ehen well done, how much own" the woman turned one of the plantains 

"errrmm... i fit get small to eat?" she begged

"abeg comot here, this place be like charity house?" the woman spat

"please i beg of you, i am very hungry..." treasure begged 

"please please get away from this place" the seller spat

A man had been watching by the side, he went to meet the seller and asked that she give some to treasure and add the bill to his.

"thank you sir," treasure said as she collected the wrap of plantain and groundnut

"oh... never mind" the man waved 

"why are you roaming the streets? don't you have a place to stay?" he asked

"hmmmm... i do, but i can't go back there"

"oh really why?"

"it's  a long story"

"i have enough time.. you can tell me about it"

"well, you should grab a chair" she sat on the bench beside the seller
"My name is treasure i am the first child of 5 children. I am a graduate and i worked with one of the big banks a few years ago. I was born into a polygamous family (my mother couldn't have any other children after me so my father remarried and the other wife had 4 kids) by the time i turned 30, only 2 of my Half siblings were single (they were the youngest and were boys too). My mother was dead and as the only child from her for my father, i became the laughing stock at every family gathering. Some would say i focused more on working than getting a man. By 32, the insults worsened and i decided i was going to marry any man that came my way. As God would have it, i met a man... calm, honest(so he wanted me to think) who was passionate about me we went on to date for a few months. Seven months into the relationship, i fell pregnant. I told him about it and his joy knew no bounds. He quickly asked that we seal it and make things legal. I was happy. Firstly because, i prayed for  a husband and i got one. Secondly, this was a young man who was hardworking and wealthy. by 33, i was married to the man of my dreams or so to speak. Things began to fall apart after i had my baby. He was disappointed it was a girl. He lamented about how he wanted the baby to be  boy and how, it was very important in his culture if a woman had a son as first child. I begged and pleaded that he endure with me. We kept at the shamble called marriage for another year, and i fell pregnant again this time i refused to do a scan, i prayed and fasted. My husband insisted that i did a scan and i finally did one at 7 months. Results showed it was a girl and the beast in him came out. I was beaten at slightest provocation, his late nights worsened and he would stay weeks without coming home. I forgot to tell you how he asked me to resign after we got married and asked that we operate a joint account to which i obliged! reason was that he had everything in place and he could care for us. I did resign as  a foolish woman and that became the end of me. I depended on him for everything and as he changed into a beast, i became  a hungry woman who couldn't fend for herself talk more of a child.
The night i had my 2nd daughter, my husband came home and walked into the room i was with my child, he checked for the sex of the child after confirming it was a girl, he pushed her to the ground. My baby convulsed and screamed by the time we got to the hospital, she had  a brain hemorrhage and was confirmed dead. We live in Nigeria, a country where women are not given the leverage to walk away or talk, else, you'd be called a crazy woman; one who is creating an avenue for people to laugh at her husband and family.
I had been planning to run away before then so i picked up my passport after that incident and started processing my visa to leave the country... i made a terrible mistake, i used someone he knew. Reason was so, i could delay the payment and ask that he collect it from my husband. The day my visa was granted, the agent called my husband to tell him of the good news and that i come pick my passport... my dear, he went ahead picked it for me, came home, packed all my documents and right in my eyes, set them ablaze. my whole world crumbled. 
I lived another 18 months in that home covering up all the deeds my husband was perpetrating. My single friends tapped into my marriage as my husband showed his good side around everyone. He bought two new cars and claimed they were mine but no body knew i wasn't permitted to drive those cars or any other one for that matter. I turned into a woman who didn't have a voice... his family supported him as they kept asking me to be submissive and endure! endure beatings?.... rape? yes he started raping me! or what would you call sex without the consent of one of the parties involved? He would hit me, and forcefully have his way with me. I suffered all this for 2 years and i fell pregnant again. This time, i was scared for my life. My first daughter was 2 and she could see the trauma i faced daily. I wasn't ready to bring in another into this world of pain. Luckily, i had  a male child and things around my house changed for a few months. Six months after i had my son, my husband brought in a new woman, first she came in as a help next thing i knew, she began to share our bedroom with him. If i complained, he'd beat the living daylight out of me. My family never knew about this. The shame of telling anyone was much lighter than the beatings. They would laugh! i kept saying till we had a fight over the new girl and he threw me down the stairs.  I was unconscious and taken to the hospital. When i recovered,i asked that no one should tell my family as i won't be able to bear this shame. Before i left the hospital, he had thrown my things out of the house and barred me from seeing my kids. its been 3 months after this and i can't bare to go home for fear of shame, i go to his house daily to beg but he has asked that no one let me in. I went though 3 years of emotional, physical and psychological abuse wrapped in the disguise called, marriage."
"hmmm madam.. this is quite a sad story. I'll pick up your case; i am a lawyer and i work as a human rights activist. Women have a right to be free from bondage. You should have walked away when you realized all of this. I'm sure you have learnt from this and i'll advice anyone listening (he turned to other buyers who had gathered around them) make sure you are financially ready, do not quit your job over marriage. Once you are financially ready, you can walk away from any pain. Walk away so you can live for your children and your self. You should never be scared to go back home. It's better to be laughed at than cried for."

"did you not see the sign?" another woman spat

"sometimes men can pretend to a great extent, you may miss the sign. But if you do see the sign, do not be afraid to walk away while you are still dating. One love slap equals, 10 heavy blows in marriage" the man advised

I'm taking you home to see your family, I'll also take you to the center for women affairs, they help women who are suffering under the guise of marriage." The man assured Treasure

Everyone came around treasure and consoled her she walked with the barrister to his car....her light had come indeed

25 comments:

  1. The husband could have been better of a panel beater,lol
    At every point in time a broken relationship is better than broken marriage
    Nice piece miss becca

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  2. We should all be feminists! I got this book by chimamanda and it has really touched my life in several ways. Women empowerment is really vital especially with the recent happenings. Nice read Becks

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    1. what's d name of d book

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    2. I thought I wrote 'we should all be feminists'...please read properly before asking certain questions

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    3. Charitee calm down on our blogeee, she probably didn't understand you comment

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  3. What the husband did was terrible. At a point every woman need to speak out because it is our rights... well done miss becca

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  4. My friend is currently going through this phase in her marriage. The day you help her out, give her another week she'll be back with the man. I can't! Women who are abused are sometimes weak and I wonder why they are. They'll give excuses for the men who in turn abuses them constantly. I just hope my friend picks up her senses before she gets killed. Becky this was one good read.

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    1. I pray she finds the strength to walk away. Our society doesn't help matters too. Thanks for reading... Don't forget to send her this link she may learn a thing or two

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  5. I really don't know why a man would raise his hands to hit someone he claims to love. I was raised to respect and adore women and that has never changed. This could be my sister so dear women, don't stay in an abusive relationship| marriage. No God fearing man will raise his hands on you none. This is a creative piece well done Becky.

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    1. Awwwwww.... You are one of the good ones... Thanks for the validation it means a lot!

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  6. This life! You are single, problem. Married, problem. Am just tired. The way DV is common in marriages, one would be scared to get married

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    1. marriage is a beautiful thing let's hope to find the right person

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  7. It still depends on women to raise good sons my mother raised me well... I don't think I'll ever get to the point of hitting a woman! Women raise you sons well.

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  8. 'I must marry crew' Thank God for your life madam

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    1. My sister na really I must marry crew ooo...God help us all

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  9. Nice piece... May God grant is wisdom to see the signs

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  10. Nice piece... May God grant us wisdom to see the signs

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  11. wow! such a sad story. this thing called marriage could be complicated,before venturing into it ask d right questions,do your research well. Men(women & men) are deceitful.d hearts of men are desperately wicked

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    1. Desperately wicked indeed my dear. God will guide our hearts to his perfect will for us. Amen

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